Our Journey

I have always been a very proud person.

I was taught that you work hard for everything and there is no better feeling that when you receive what you have worked for. And this is true. We do have to work hard and we reap a harvest of what and how we have worked, but the whole idea of something being given that just never really seemed to fit how I did things.

Until one summer morning as I was working my way through a bible study on the book of Jeremiah led by Beth Moore. She asked a question that I will never forget, ever.

"Do you believe in your bones that God is gracious"? Do you believe that when you ask God for something that he will be gracious to your request?" (give or take a few words thanks to my memory)

Hmmm. I sat starting at my notes as I wrote it down and mouthed the simple answer "no".

Why would he give me something I had not earned? Why would he give something "just because?"

The answer is simple. 

Love.

It is the very way our Lord works. It is why he sent is only Son. Because of his love for us.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

So, as God began to stir my heart towards certain things I sheepishly stepped out with my hand open and said, "Lord, please be gracious. I am scared, I am unsure, but I know of your love, I have tasted your grace and I know I need you now more than ever to be gracious to me as I step out into this unknown.

Every time this situation would arise, I would humbly ask for His gracious hand. 

And then it came.

It brings tears to my eyes to think about it.

And the funny thing is about our God,  he never is what we expect. It reminds me of how powerful and mighty he is when he absolutely blows my mind. I am weak, but he is strong and his love for me (and you) is so strong and great and he is just sitting upon his thrown pouring down his love for us each and every day.

Every time Cameron and I would receive a gracious gift we would laugh and I would remind Cameron that I had prayed for God to be gracious in this journey. It spurred my heart to continue to do so and brought me even closer to just tasting a bit of his love for me.

I have learned that if I want to keep learning, I have to keep being taught. I try to surround myself with more that one reading at a time and I am always amazed at how the Lord uses them to work together to teach me.

While I was doing the Nehemiah study I was also reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 gifts. Her approach of having an open hand to the Lord and his bounty of blessings everyday encouraged me to open my own and let him be gracious. Let him love the way he does.

"With each gift I had accepted and given thanks for, I let go of my own will and accepted His" 

p. 209 1000 Gifts, A Voskamp

Yes, yes, as I read these words I smiled because they were my exact heart.

God was not only gracious to me and my request, when I received it with open arms I could see and feel how we were stepping into a new journey. A part of our journey that he had laid out before we were born. It was his will for us all along. And his will would have been done, no doubt, I mean he is God, but me being humbled  and feeling His great love and being completely smitten by how he cares for me, that probably wouldn't have happened had I not asked Him to be gracious. 

And then, one Sunday morning my bible flipped open to Jeremiah 29:11

A verse I know so well and have read time and time again.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I smiled because I know these words to be so true. But that morning I happened back up and read a little before that familiar verse, the end of verse 10.

"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place"

I don't ever remember reading about God being gracious here before? But this morning these words have never felt more true, never spoke to my heart so deep, and never in my life have I felt his hand so well.

And today the last piece of the puzzle was put together.

We are moving home, back to Missouri.

I am completely overwhelmed at how God has orchestrated this whole thing. And I continue to ask Him to be gracious because in times of change and plotting down a new journey I know how vulnerable and weak I can be, and I need him. I need his grace.

This may be one of the most bittersweet things I have ever walked through.


I love Texas, it has been my home for five years.
It is where I had my babies.
It is where I learned to be a wife.
It is where I learned to be a momma.

It is where I learned to really walk with the Lord.
So much of my heart is here and yet so much of my heart is back in Missouri.

Almost five years ago to the day I was on my knees bawling my eyes out on the lane leading to our farm because I just didnt know what else to do. The pain was so deep when thinking of leaving everything and everyone I had ever known.

And then God spoke to my heart.

Moving to Texas was hard and beautiful and wonderful all at the same time.

I can see some of God's plan for us here and some I know I will never know.

And without a doubt we know He has a plan for our family back in Missouri.

A plan beyond steady jobs and dream homes and starting fresh.

And we are trusting, and we are excited to be back. It isn't home anymore, but once we all four are there together I know how quickly it will become home to us again.

Weston had a moment yesterday where he said he didn't want to move and I assured him that we would all be together and home is wherever we all four are together.

I remind myself of this daily.

So that is what has been going on.

That is why the blog was neglected for awhile and I had no words.

I am completely humbled that God would be so gracious. Someday I hope to share the whole story with you and how amazing this journey has been, but for now I have to get to packing.


But I just wanted to ask you one thing....

"Do you believe in your bones that God is gracious"?